Friday, May 14, 2010

here i am...

before you read this, please know this....
i am incredibly uncomfortable posting photos of myself...
i am trying to get over that
by posting a slew of photos of myself...
the reason:
i found that i enjoy blogs more when you can see who you are reading about and connect with them through photos of themselves
so please...
do not think i am narcissistic...
because i am not...
here i am...

i am the 4th child out of 5
my sister who is my best friend is the baby of our family
i still tell her that 'mom told me i am the favorite'
thank you mom for having jess...
i don't know what i would do without her
i married when i was 21 years old
i was married for 11 years
we had 3 babies
i am still very ambivalent when i reflect on that time
things were good then bad and then good again...
then they got really bad
and i got really hurt and scared
and finally had enough
so i told him ENOUGH...
and then i picked up my 3 babies and started over
they are now 12, 10 and 6
they are my greatest calling
they will be the most important thing that i do with my life

divorce was hard
starting over with 3 babies was the hardest, best, rawest, funniest and smartest
time in our lives...but now, things are good
i am blessed and restored

i got a second chance with mr c
we worked together some 17 years ago
before my marriage and my babies
we crushed on each other but...
he was married so that's all we could do...
i always knew he was supposed to be mine
i just had to wait for the timing to be right...
he divorced 5 years before i did
and he waited for the right girl
that was me but i was late...
trying to get out of the bad marriage i was in

after my marriage ended and divorce progressed...the thought of mr c popped into my head
i was sitting in the school parking lot waiting for my children when i picked up my phone and
called where he worked...
i left a message for him because the receptionist told me he had the day off...
i remember, it was a wednesday
he called me within minutes
she gave him my message immediately
and he knew...
when she said 'a rebecca called'
he knew it was me
he said his heart fluttered every time he heard my name in the past 14 years,
even if i wasn't 'the rebecca' at the time
we spoke and text on and off all day and met for breakfast the next day
we hugged the moment we saw each other
and held hands over oatmeal and muffins
our timing was finally right
we have been inseparable ever since
he's my perfect
i will love him for the rest of forever
he loves my babies and i love his babies
we have 7 babies between us
hoping for one more with each other
maybe someday...

our life is good
we are healthy, happy and always laughing
i cook chicken and beef for my family and i am a vegetarian
that's love if you ask me
i have not eaten red meat, chicken, pork or any land animal in 13 years
i do eat a little seafood
i am still trying to figure out the threading of who i am
my insecurities run high and daily i try to get them under control
i told my mom the other day that this is my hardest battle
to just trust in myself and my own decisions and to let go of keeping up
to just focus on what i want for my family
to figure out our own formula
aside from my family, i love:
starbucks, fudge brownies from aj's, red and black nail polish, panna water, summer sweaters,
paper goods, classical music, gangsta rap, oil rubbed bronze, the mountains in az, the beach, staying in hotels, flipping through photos, chapstick, espadrilles, summer dresses, laughing until i cry and tanned skin
i am rebecca and this is me


  1. Hey, i know you! Love the pictures, they are so pretty.. your the best sister ever! I dont know where i would be, or how i would make decisions without you and your imput! I have always looked up to you... and always will! Love you tons!

  2. you are beautiful my friend
    & thank you for sharing your story
    i think you sound pretty awesome

  3. hello and nice to meet you;-)
    i see we both like starbucks ....except in that photo above you have 4 or five of them in front of you!
    I'm glad you are telling your story and back to blogging.

  4. Hi Rebecca! Nice to meet you! ;) I loved that post & just wanted to let you know. I check in on your blog & as always you are beautiful & seem very happy. I would love to get together sometime. i feel like I haven't seen you in years! maybe that's because I haven't. ;)
    email if you ever want to catch up. rhondar75atcoxdotnet

  5. I know you very well
    your story sounds familiar
    you sound an awful lot like me

    only you are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more beautiful