Tuesday, January 19, 2010


finally feel like i have let go of the
fog that was keeping me blurred last week
my thoughts started to clear and refocus themselves
i can't be grateful enough for the clarity
today was wonderfully gray
the skies have been full of rain and have just started letting it go for us
i can't think of a better time to wash the last week away
throughout my day of errands and housework...
i did a lot of thinking
thinking about what would make me feel better
after last weeks frustrations...
a little reevaluation was self prescribed
i decided that i would start to use my hands for more than
folding the laundry and washing dishes
i have decided to use them to do service
for others
i began calling shelters
learning where and how i could be of help
the need is overwhelming
i have decided that my mind wasn't just for bad television and
mindless matters anymore
i picked up all 817 pages of anna karenina and started reading again
my reading list for 2010 is a little intimidating
i have decided to use my time better
focusing and simplifying
it's a change for me and one that is not easy

i have also decided to let the little things go
oh how i wish this was easy for me to do
i'm the master at holding on and never letting go
it's exhausting i tell you what
i'm ready to pack that nuance away

i'm off now to close the day
ready myself for tomorrow
do a little reading
happy to report that i only have 586 pages left of
anna karenina

Today I am grateful for: mr c...he is very responsible for my happiness...

Monday, January 18, 2010

last week

last week was tough
everyday led me to frustration
frustration that stayed and showed no signs of leaving
the thoughts in my mind were heavy
my heart felt challenged
i spent a lot of time in thought
a lot of time in tears
i felt like so many threads were being pulled at the same darn time.
i was challenged by an ex-spouse
misunderstood by a sister
too wrapped up in my issues to realize I had distanced myself
from Mr C
i was not patient with my children
my challenges rolled on over to my little family
that made me feel horrible
in order to make up to my 3 little chicks
we headed to the park
they forgave me instantly
i forgave myself too

i sat with my toes warm in the sand
listening to my kids
reading my book
clearing my head

morgan ran wild with her long wavy hair

landon climbed everything in sight
mikey put himself in the middle of his own adventure

it was good for my little spirit to let go and forget all
that was bothering me

that is always hard for me to do

it's hard to stay focused on the not so great when
i hear my little wonders laughing and screaming
the park was my medicine
being outside away from the norm...
and then today
just seeing landon
trying to grab the flag that
the boy scouts placed in our front yard
for civil rights day
was enough to keep
me in the same frame of mind

i spent a whole week being down
i dont like that i wasted that much time
on things out of my control right now
time for a fresh new week
without frustrations
without tears
time to let go of things that i cannot control
just typing that makes me feel lighter

Today I am grateful for: Laughing. Plain and simple. Laughing until my sides hurt.

Friday, January 8, 2010

if my heart could smile....

.....today, it would be because of this kid. Mikey.
In August when the kids started school, my heart was chipped at. Mikey began his first year at Jr High. His first year of caring what others thought.
At 8:40 am, Monday through Friday, I dropped him off to school. At 8:41...I drove away with a blank stare. A little empty. As soon as my car made the left turn into the school...Mikey shut down and quieted himself. When the car stopped...he slid out of the barely opened door and left for his day. Not a word. No acknowledgement of my goodbyes and have a good days meant for him. The boy was gone. His mom was deflated.

I learned to sneak goodbyes in during casual conversations with Mikey on our 6 minute drive to school every morning. I let him know that I loved him and had good wishes for his day before the left turn into the lot. Sometimes I teased him about jumping out of the car and hugging him in front of the guys. He didn't think this was funny. Maybe the humor was lost in the delivery. Even if he didn't respond to my wishes and whatnot's, I felt better having said it out loud to him.

Still...I was bothered this. I mentioned it a few times to Mikey but really just hit a wall. He didn't think it was an issue and was kind of uncomfortable talking about it. Clearly, it was not a big deal to him. I never ordered him to say a goodbye and show mom a little attention in the car. There were no threats, demands, ultimatums or bribes. I simply let him know that it bothered me and hurt my feelings. I just got used to saying goodbye to the door as it closed almost immediately after opening.

So Christmas break came and went and Monday rolled around before any of us were really ready. Early mornings were back and unanswered salutations from preteens were soon to follow.

As per routine...I dropped the littles off to school first and then headed home to pick up Mikey. When it was time...we were out the door and on the road. We had a casual conversation about his Star Wars lego clones. I did my very best to understand the difference between the clones and the separatists and who was on what side of good and evil. I mean when did Star Wars become so much more than Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker?

Before I knew it...we pulled up to the school.

"Okay...goodbye Mikey...have a good day...I love you...reach your potential and be smart!"

"Okay Mom, thanks, bye."

Before the door was closed.

In front of other kids.

A l l o n h i s o w n.

And today.....

"Okay Mom, I love you too. Bye."

My heart smiled and hasn't stopped.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

boredom turned around

The day was in a word....productive. Glad to be back on schedule with the kids in school and mr c back to work.

Truth be told...my day was a little mundane as well. My darling called me shortly after 10 this morning to check in. My report to his question of what are you doing was..."I'm just cleaning out the pantry and organizing my cookbooks." I immediately confronted the boredom in my day. Head on.

When Mr C called back around noon to see what I was up to...I told him I was photographing the turtles. Yep. Taking pictures of the turtles. Officially bored. Then I proceeded to whine like a 6 year old to my beloved about how I don't feel like my days are full of exciting stuff anymore. I haven't met the girls for coffee in over a month...I am avoiding shopping to stay on my new(ly highly protested) budget...he hasn't had much free time in his day to meet me for lunch and the list goes on about what I have unconsciously omitted out of my days.

I have become a boring housewife.

Note to self: I may be a boring housewife...but I value the work I do in my home. Running a smooth home with clean and healthy children and husband get big props from me. If I get dinner then dessert on the table by 6...I liken myself to Martha. This is not an easy gig.

So...after my phone call (and followed by my turtle photo shoot) I told myself in the most demanding inner voice kind of way that no matter what cleaning sensation I was in the middle of...I would leave the house by 1pm.

1pm...out the door and headed down to Stapely for some shirt shopping for Mikey. When did my 12 year become so conscious of his wardrobe? I love it. He felt the frustrations of women all around the world this morning when dressing for school. Couldn't find the proper shirt to match his black (I haven't told him they are officially boys' skinny) jeans. He asked in a very pleasing way to me to find some new shirts for him.

Thanks for giving me a mission other than laundry and pantry organizing Mikey. Means a lot.

Heading toward Stapley and Baseline...I passed by Anthropologie. Current budget told me not to even stop and look around. I didn't listen to that voice last week and as a result...I left the shop with a set of powder blue latte bowls. Why did I put myself on super tight budget again? Oh yeah. Have tossed around the idea with mr c about a new home in the future. Probably should go into that with substantial savings in tact. This however did not stop me from fantasising about the large farm table with the chippy paint lying under piles and piles of latte bowls. Maybe I should get the white ones next time.

So...made it to shopping center and picked up a few shirts for the boy. Even scored a pair of plaids for summer for him for 7 bones. Bargaining skills are becoming like super powers. I have been using them everywhere.

Rushed back to my side of Baseline Road just in time to pick up the littles from school.

Day really perked up when we made an impromptu run through Sonic for a cherry limeade. Be still my beating heart. Hand to heart...I asked mr c to get me one the other night at 10pm. He delivered one without me begging. I got me a keeper.

All had a good day. Landon and I put down 2 more chapters of James and the Giant Peach, spaghetti was a hit at dinner and 2 out of the 3 are already in bed. Now, while Mr C is at softball, my plans are to grab my new read (Anna Karenina) and then steam in the shower.

Oh how I miss having a bathtub.

Today I am grateful for: Cherry Limeades from Sonic. Wonder if I can get it in an IV Drip?

{foot of shelby,our turtle}

she did not give me much to work with

here goes

This blog is headed in a new direction.

For some time now, I have been frustrated with blogging. Finding new things to blog about...worrying about getting too personal or not being TRUE to myself in my writing...I was always left feeling...sorta....unsatisfied. Yes. Very unsatisfied.

I am tired of trying to discover my blog style. Am I an informational blog? An inspirational to others kinda blog? Do I want to feature more decor and style?

Nope. Not me.

I have decided to stay True to what my writing style has always been. Journaling. Straight up journaling about everyday, all day, mundane or interesting to me kinda day. I have always enjoyed recording the daily. Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. Hardships. Celebrations. Life.

I have let the worry go out the window about who is going to be reading my thoughts. I am no longer worried about who or how many will be following. This blogging has to come back to me and be for me.

So...this blog is going to develop itself into my online journal and fill itself with content from my head. Content from my days. Content from my life. Because what is in my head is important to me even if not to you.

I feel that I can breathe this in and truly take hold of it.

I am relieved in my confession.

I am satisfied in my decision.

So.....here goes.


i am anxious to begin on one of my 2010 resolutions...
cooking more and stepping outside of
my usual dishes and really
experimenting in the kitchen...
this week....i will begin pouring through these books in hopes to find
some new and fabulous recipes to try on my crew

barefoot contessa and martha cookbooks are of my favorites
just looking through the photos is enough
to make me feel as if i have gotten my moneys worth...
has anyone tried the pioneer womans cookbook?...
i think i might make an amazon order and try her out too..
been hearing good things about her recipes

hApPy weDneSday...
i'll be spending the rest of my day looking
through these beauties
making grocery lists
i know...
g l a m o r o u s!

Monday, January 4, 2010


m o n d a y
m o n d a y...
it was an early morning...
i knew it would be
first day back to school for the littles...
first early morning in two weeks
sleeping in is one of my favorite perks about a holiday break
i was not ready for the alarm to start singing at 6am this morning...
not ready at all
thank goodness i had a big mug full of coffee to get me started

i shuffled the littles off to school and headed back home to put the denali in park and
get the house in order
i came home to this
a mess
counter tops covered in stuff
s t u f f

i spent the lot of my day in the house/garage cleaning and organizing and
in the laundry room washing and folding...
i rearranged furniture and cleaned closets out...
felt a spring cleaning urge that i could not resist...
before i knew it...
it was time to pick up the kids from school!
when were all home...
it was time for a snack and then some homework
with LanDoN

he LoVes homework and starts it pretty much
when he gets home from school
today he had some math to finish
i love this little guys hands

after math was completed and put away...

landon and i chose the book that we are going to read together this month...

james and the giant peach

i love this story

mikey and i read it together a few years ago...

he loved it so much and then loved it even more when we watched the movie together


i walked in our bedroom just in time to catch some afternoon light creeping in from the window

after my photoshoot with the light...
i was hoping to sneak in a little power nap but the kids wanted to go outside and play...
we went outside and put them to work!
we had a yard full of leaves
l E a V e S!!
morgan and landon insisted on using the shop vac to clean all of the leaves in our front yard...
it works and is more fun than using a rake

l e a v e s

e v e r y w h e r e

after the kids vacuumed the leaves...
we headed out for a short family walk
{oops! no photos}
when we got home...
it was decided!
bReaKfaSt fOr dInNer
our favorite
while i was in the kitchen whipping up eggs and making waffles...
mr c and the kids were in the family room playing memory
{insert reason #12,947 why I love mr c}

it was a very loud and intense game of memory
lots of screaming and laughing

the game ended with a tie between mr c and mikey

after dinner...
morgan asked me to braid her hair
she loves for it to be wavy for school...
i was busy doing dishes and kitchen clean up
{still waiting on a maid}
so mr c offered his braiding skills to morgan

he looked a bit frustrated at first...
but i tell you what...
he braided her hair
i was impressed!

now it's time for bed
the little chickens are asleep
mr c is watching some late night football
a n d...
i'm blogging
while the dog is snoring!!
monday was great!
here's hoping tuesday gives it a run for the money
***time to go make the coffee***
6am comes early round here.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


this post...is for my mother...
it is chalk full of photos of the kids...
apparently...i have not posted enough recent photos of her grand babies...
yesterday...we had a picnic at the park
the weather was perfect
mr c came home from work really early...
early enough to join us!

we ate cupcakes smothered in icing...
the boys played football
while the girls watched and tinkered around
with their new camera

we rode on the park's train

this one was completely content being out with her family

some of us went back for more cupcakes

we enjoyed croissant sandwiches
notice our short sleeve shirts in january!
it was so warm out

one of us fussed about eating sandwiches and wanted to head straight for the cupcakes
l a n d o n

mom...i told you mikey was getting big...
he is almost as tall as me now!

m i k e y
l a n d o n

m o r g a n

after lunch...we fed the ducks...
landon felt bad for the duckies who did not get any of the bread
i love his sensitivity

and we smiled in the sun

it was a great start to the new year...
lots of family time
and lots of photos for grandma to see her grandchildren in az!
we miss you