here i am...

before you read this, please know this....

i am incredibly uncomfortable posting photos of myself...

i am trying to get over that

by posting a slew of photos of myself...

the reason:

i found that i enjoy blogs more when you can see who you are reading about and connect with them through photos of themselves

so please...

do not think i am narcissistic...

because i am not...

so...

here i am...

i am the 4th child out of 5

my sister who is my best friend is the baby of our family

i still tell her that 'mom told me i am the favorite'

thank you mom for having jess...

i don't know what i would do without her

i married when i was 21 years old

i was married for 11 years

we had 3 babies

i am still very ambivalent when i reflect on that time

things were good then bad and then good again...

then they got really bad

and i got really hurt and scared

and finally had enough

so i told him ENOUGH...

and then i picked up my 3 babies and started over

they are now 12, 10 and 6

they are my greatest calling

they will be the most important thing that i do with my life

divorce was hard
starting over with 3 babies was the hardest, best, rawest, funniest and smartest

time in our lives...but now, things are good

i am blessed and restored

i got a second chance with mr c

we worked together some 17 years ago

before my marriage and my babies

we crushed on each other but...

he was married so that's all we could do...

i always knew he was supposed to be mine

i just had to wait for the timing to be right...

he divorced 5 years before i did

and he waited for the right girl

that was me but i was late...

trying to get out of the bad marriage i was in

after my marriage ended and divorce progressed...the thought of mr c popped into my head

i was sitting in the school parking lot waiting for my children when i picked up my phone and

called where he worked...

i left a message for him because the receptionist told me he had the day off...

i remember, it was a wednesday

he called me within minutes

she gave him my message immediately

and he knew...

when she said 'a rebecca called'

he knew it was me

he said his heart fluttered every time he heard my name in the past 14 years,

even if i wasn't 'the rebecca' at the time

we spoke and text on and off all day and met for breakfast the next day

we hugged the moment we saw each other

and held hands over oatmeal and muffins

our timing was finally right

we have been inseparable ever since

he's my perfect

i will love him for the rest of forever

he loves my babies and i love his babies

we have 7 babies between us

hoping for one more with each other

maybe someday...

our life is good

we are healthy, happy and always laughing

i cook chicken and beef for my family and i am a vegetarian

that's love if you ask me

i have not eaten red meat, chicken, pork or any land animal in 13 years

i do eat a little seafood

i am still trying to figure out the threading of who i am

my insecurities run high and daily i try to get them under control

i told my mom the other day that this is my hardest battle

to just trust in myself and my own decisions and to let go of keeping up

to just focus on what i want for my family

to figure out our own formula

aside from my family, i love:

starbucks, fudge brownies from aj's, red and black nail polish, panna water, summer sweaters,

paper goods, classical music, gangsta rap, oil rubbed bronze, the mountains in az, the beach, staying in hotels, flipping through photos, chapstick, espadrilles, summer dresses, laughing until i cry and tanned skin

i am rebecca and this is me